In episode 7 of Fresh Eyes, I interview Mark Groves, a human connection specialist and relationship expert. His clients range from businesses and leaders, to couples and individuals. He helps each person understand their emotional matrix by mastering themselves through their words. Today, we discuss how to show up authentically and navigate conflict in your relationships.
Mark had always wondered what separated people with amazing relationships from those who were just average. Why did some relationships maintain bliss for a lifetime, and others… not so much? Why did some people have the ability to lead thousands, and others couldn’t even lead themselves?
He always thought of himself as being an accomplished communicator… and yet, despite these supposed skills, he had continuous romantic relationship breakdowns and failures. It was in visualizing this pattern, that he finally realized that he knew nothing. He woke up to the fact that until he mastered his emotional patterns and the command of language, both his romantic relationships and his abilities as a leader would always be limited until he understood his true self.
Based on this experience, Mark discusses the importance of accepting who you are today, and admitting we are not an expert in any of our relationships.
“If we see relationships as a container for really rapid personal development, then the world is your oyster.”
In the episode, I ask Mark how to navigate conflict in our relationships, and he gave such a profound answer: make staying connected more important than being right. We’ve got to turn toward each other instead of away from each other. He adds that if a woman tells her partner that he’s not giving her the space to express how she feels, and he responds, “That’s not true,” then he just put up a wall. When facing conflict, make the more difficult decision to stay connected and ask, “Tell me more about how that makes you feel.”
We also touch on how traumatic childhood experiences affect relationships as an adult, and how to break those patterns.
“When you make who you choose a reflection of what you feel about yourself, you will be much more mindful… If you tolerate someone who does not treat you well then you will have no choice but to believe you are not worthy of being treated well.”